Slice of Life: Week 2: Dear Parents, Family, and Caregivers #SOL20 #TWTBlog

Dear Parents,

This visual keeps popping into my mind … I can even hear the announcement clear as day. 

 What I would give to be on an airplane going to work right now.  What I would give for the middle seat in the last row sitting next to the person who ignores all social signals and is determined to have a conversation with me.  The current situation makes me wish I had paid more attention to that announcement.

Parents – we need to put on our oxygen masks (but seriously don’t go buying masks – this is a metaphor – we have enough problems with masks) before we take care of everyone else.  Many of us are parents, workers, coworkers, friends, neighbors, siblings, children and caregivers.  We have a lot on our plates right now.  There is such truth in making sure you take care of yourself and meet your basic needs before you take care of everyone around you. 

Your kids are watching, listening and taking their cues on how to feel from you.  If you don’t find a way to care for yourself, you won’t be in the best position to care for them.  In all the schedules you see floating around online – make sure you choose one or, better yet, create one that includes time for self-care. 

Time for self-care … I hear your sarcastic laugh.  I hear your laugh and raise you two months.  You must plan for something you can realistically sustain with a sense of calm, safety, and joy.  Kids need a sense of calm, safety, and joy.  You must not plan for tomorrow, but for what might unfold in the weeks to come.  People in your life may become sick, may lose a job, and your children will begin to understand that this is not a game.

For many of your children, they have still not fully grasped what is happening.  I still wake up every morning wondering if this was a dream. In the next couple of weeks, they will begin to truly miss friends, activities, school, and teachers.  This will become real for them too. They will respond.  It will not be pretty. These responses are NOT misbehavior.  These responses are developmentally appropriate.  We need to remember they are tiny humans and they must also process what is happening and respond.  They will need as much predictability, reassurance, and connection as you can give them. 

Last week, I wrote and suggested how to begin navigating this new normal with your tiny humans.  If this is week one for you, I suggest you start here.  There is no prize awarded to who gets to the end of this first, there is no benefit for being in a rush in a pandemic. 

As I enter week two #socialdistancing with my family, here are some things I am thinking about:

1)    Schedule: Try to co-create a way of organizing your time and space together.  Everyone in the home needs to be a part of creating the schedule, so they understand it.  Expect it NOT to work for the first week or two.  You can make revisions, but don’t give up at the first sign of trouble. 

2)    Time Alone:  Connectedness is great, but many of us also need some downtime alone.  Plan for time alone, without screens, and see what they choose to do.  Nap, read, create, imaginary play, stare into space – all good options.  Kids need to learn how to be bored … and enjoy it.  Again, expect it NOT to work for the first week or two.  You can make revisions, but don’t give up at the first sign of trouble. 

3)    Internet Safety:  Online learning and interaction is powerful and is going to be essential during this time.  However, you wouldn’t send your child on a playdate with someone you didn’t know, and you would not send them to an activity you knew nothing about on their own.  Our kids need us to guide them, teach them and monitor them online.  In the beginning, stick with what your school/teacher is sending you.  If you see something online that looks interesting, watch it with our child. Once you have a routine up and going, you will know when you need to supervise.

4)    Grace: This word is coming out of my mouth a lot right now.  We need to remember we are all in the same state of turmoil.  We need to have grace with our kids, ourselves and educators.  I am reading a lot of criticism of educators right now.  Please realize many of them didn’t even get to say goodbye to our children. Don’t we want our kids to be taught by people who care that they didn’t get to say goodbye?  That their first priority is figuring out how to connect with our kids – to let them know they are thinking about them?  Don’t judge what is being sent home initially, educators are trying to keep things simple, equitable, and manageable right now. Give them grace and time to figure this all out and remember that they are trying to consider multiple points of view. Again, expect it NOT to work for the first week or two.  We will all make revisions so don’t give up at the first sign of trouble. 

We teach young writers about the rule of three.  A craft move used to develop a point, slow down the reader, add humor, or make something more memorable.  I just realized I used the rule of three without planning to do so… so I leave you with this:

Expect it NOT to work for the first week or two.  You can make revisions, but don’t give up at the first sign of trouble. 

And don’t forget to put on your oxygen masks first!  You’ve Got This!