Dear Parents ... How To Talk With Your Children About Covid-19
Dear Parents,
How are you doing? I have a friend who sends these words to me every day via text. Every day when those words pop up on my screen, I take a moment and think about it … how am I doing? Some days I can’t respond to her until later in the day, but the check-in I do with myself when I receive the text is healing. It is a simple question, but it gets right to the matter of things.
Many educators and parents have reached out to me over these past few weeks wondering if and how we should talk to our kids about Covid-19. Should we tell them? Will it scare them? How do we talk to them about it? Isn’t it better if they just don’t know about what is going on? Is it ok if they want to write about it in a journal? Here’s the thing, I can’t imagine a child the age of two or older doesn’t realize something is going on that is different in their world. Any child the age three or older must be overhearing some conversations and sensing the emotions in the home. Any school-age child knows this is not a snow day. We are about to enter week four of social distancing in my community, kids are meeting with teachers online, and they haven’t played with their friends in weeks. While we may want to protect them from what is happening, not talking with them about it will most likely cause more stress.
What would happen if we start asking them, How are you doing? This question is simple, open-ended, and allows the kids to lead the conversation. The answers we receive will guide how we respond. Mister Rogers’ said, “Anything that's human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting and less scary.” We are wired to problem solve and Mister Rogers showed how to manage our emotions, step by step. Feelings do not need to be scary or stressful, they can be empowering if we create space for our kids to understand, articulate, and feel their emotions. This is an opportunity for us as parents and educators to redefine emotion and how we navigate it.
Experiencing emotion does not need to be negative. Our language often frames emotion and our experience of it in a negative manner. We can model for our kids how to talk about our emotions and be vulnerable. Dr. Brene Brown reminds us that we cannot selectively numb emotion. If we numb worry and sadness, then joy, empathy, and gratitude will also be quieted. If we talk with our kids about what is happening right now in a developmentally appropriate way, we might just be setting them up for a lifetime of connectedness and empowerment.
We are all craving information right now. We need to know what is happening because once we have information, we have power. We have the power to use that information to problem solve and help. We all feel better when we know what we CAN do and our kids need to feel this sense of power as well. We need to decide what information they should know and how to share it with them, but they too need to know what they CAN do. They can wash their hands. They can stay at home. They can write letters. They can make masks. They can create signs thanking grocery store workers, bus drivers, delivery people, and health care workers. They write messages to friends and neighbors on the sidewalk. They can help with siblings. They can make dinner, fold laundry, or do some gardening. They can be helpers.
Communities are also coming together to model for kids how to support and thank one another. Join the Teddy Bear Hunt, organize a celebration of gratitude, or have some fun with Google 3D Animal (simple fun is still ok) in your neighborhood. Physically distancing ourselves doesn’t mean we have to lose our social connections. We can wave, smile, and talk to our neighbors across the street. Kids can plan when and how to do this. We can call, facetime, hangout or zoom with family and friends virtually. Kids and plan when and how we do this. We can see and hear teachers and classmates online. One family I know watched the teacher’s daily recorded read aloud on their television together before bed- -- teachers on TV, how cool is that? And you know what, a child came up with that idea!
If you need more resources on how to talk with your child, reach out to your school and let your child’s teacher know how your child is doing. PBS, CDC, and the Child Mind Institute also have resources, suggestions, and recommendations on how to guide your child through this time.
I plan on starting with, How are you doing?
Be safe, be well, and remember … you’ve got this!
